May 5, 2025
440: What Every GM Needs to Hear About Family, Culture & Empowerment w/ Desi Speh
In this episode, we chat with Desi Speh, COO at Desert Highlands in Arizona.
A guy who’s quietly redefining what club leadership can look like.
Desi’s not the loudest voice in the room, but his impact is undeniable.
From turning valet service into a culture-defining moment (ice cream cooler included 🍦) to mentoring staff into leaders, his philosophy is simple: lead from the heart, empower your people, and always keep perspective.
In this conversation, you’ll learn:
- Why empowerment beats micromanagement (every time)
- How to build a culture where even the dishwasher feels ownership
- How Desi’s failed marriage made him a better GM, dad, and husband
- The one piece of advice that changed his leadership forever
- And why sometimes, the best ideas come from valet
Whether you're managing a club or leading a team, this one’s packed with real-life takeaways you’ll want to implement immediately.
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00:00 - Meeting Desi Spey of Desert Highlands
04:29 - From History Teacher to Club Manager
09:38 - The Power of Mentorship
18:11 - Family First Leadership Philosophy
24:24 - Building a Culture of Empowerment
31:21 - Balancing Career and Family Life
37:21 - Final Thoughts on Leadership
WEBVTT
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Hey everybody, welcome to the Private Club Radio Show, where we give you the scoop on all things private golf and country clubs from mastering leadership and management, food and beverage excellence, member engagement secrets, board governance and everything in between, all while keeping it fun and light.
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Whether you're a club veteran just getting your feet wet or somewhere in the middle, you are in the right place.
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I'm your host, denny Corby.
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Welcome to the show.
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In this episode, I am chatting with a guy who might not be blowing up your LinkedIn feed but, trust me, he is someone you want to hear from.
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I get to chat with Desi Spey, gm at Desert Highlands out in Arizona, and he's one of those leaders who's quietly crushing it.
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There's no ego, there's no fluff, just real leadership, real culture and a deep, steady belief in just doing things the right way.
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This conversation it hit a little bit different.
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He is such a cool dude, what a genuine guy.
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He's someone who leads from the heart and makes his team feel seen.
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He's built a club where hospitality isn't just a word, it's an actual lifestyle, and we talk about his journey from an aspiring teacher to golf guy to now GM.
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We talk about the mentors and moments that shaped how he shows up at a leader every single day.
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Killer insights on that.
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We talk about why empowerment beats micromanagement every single time, all day, every day.
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We also about why empowerment beats micromanagement every single time, all day, every day.
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We also touch on the power of being present and intentional, especially in a somewhat faster moving industry.
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Desi is such a great guy, such a good dude, so much good stuff in this episode and so many laughs, so many good laughs.
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I'm genuinely glad I got to have a chat with him and so glad you all get to experience him, because there's not too much about him out there.
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That makes me even more excited.
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Before we get to the episode, a quick thank you to some of our show partners Gulf Life, navigators, members First Kennes, Member Vetting Club, capital Group, as well as myself, denny Corby, the Denny Corby, the denny corby experience.
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There's excitement, there's mystery.
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Also there's magic, mind reading, comedy, crowd work.
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It's one of the most fun member event nights you can have guaranteed.
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If you want to learn more, head on over to dennycorbycom.
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But enough about all that, let's get to the episode.
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Private club reader listeners.
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Let's welcome to the show.
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Desi Spey.
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So I know you're a big magic fan If you can have one actual magic power to make your job as a GM easier.
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What would it be?
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Oh man, one magic power?
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Oh man, I don't.
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That's a great question.
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I guess the ability I'm just making something up, I don't know I mean, uh, maybe the ability to read minds, okay, because I think I think, when you're dealing with staff and members, right, when you're dealing with staff and members, right, when you're dealing with your team and members, sometimes, especially when you have a cool title on your jacket or whatever, and people look at titles and they might say things differently or act differently or not, tell you something honest communication that you can have.
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You know whether it's with, like I said, whether it's with your team or whether it's with members, or whether it's with your family and spouse, or you know, the more honest communication you have, just the more trust you build and the better the relationships.
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Right, and, and yeah, so I don't know, that's my, that's my off the cuff answer.
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Because, because, because there's not too much about you out there, which which makes this a little bit difficult, um, but I keep very, I know, I know there's no articles like you're, you're a very.
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I was almost calling my, I was almost calling my, my buddy, paul dang from member vetting to be like, just give me something on him to talk about, like.
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But but like, I'm not that guy, I know I know which is, which is interesting because so many people I feel there there's a lot of ego involved sometimes with management and leadership, and you're big on empowerment, you're big on mentoring.
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Where did where did all that come from?
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So I guess, maybe to start like, what is your back?
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Like what?
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Like, where did you start off?
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And how did you start off in the club space?
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Like, was this like your dream?
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Like, were you like did?
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Were you like focused on on the club space?
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Did you find it?
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Did it find you?
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You know what was your?
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What was your beginnings like?
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Yeah, I'd say it found me.
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So I actually went to school as a history major and thought I'd be a teacher.
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I had some incredible social studies teachers and history teachers in junior high and high school and I just thought they were the coolest people and they made me feel great about learning.
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And so after college, I that's what I intended to do, but then I kind of realized what teachers made and what their their sacrifices.
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Thank you to all the teachers out there.
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If you have teachers in your family and, um, and I, just I'd always had this passion for you know golf as well, and, uh, so one day I decided that golf would be kind of where I wanted to go.
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I'd worked at golf courses since I was like 13, just to try to get free privileges.
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It was like when I was growing up, a lot of the older guys, you know, we grew up in a time when there weren't junior green fees, you know, and things like that.
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There was like there was a green fee and whatever it was, you paid.
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It didn't matter if you were 13 or if you were 40.
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Right, um, and so I ended up working at golf courses to try to, you know, be able to play and afford to play.
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And so one day I just decided you know, I'd rather decide instead of sitting behind a desk.
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I was in the corporate world at that point when I just made this decision.
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I said, you know, let me do something I'm passionate about and got in the golf business and then had some incredible kind of mentors and leaders as I kind of came up.
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That took me in different directions and some of it was incredibly positive and some of it was just things that I learned and of things that maybe I do a little bit different.
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Yeah, um, and then somehow got into the private club you know world.
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Now that guy by the name of mark human, who's down at el dorado, who we work with in santa barbara as well, um, we work together and it's like, why don't you come down to el dorado and run, run the club down there and and, uh, it's one of the greatest opportunities of my life and I think it it taught me so much.
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And then had some corporate experience at that point as well, from a corporate golf standpoint whether american golf and then had some club corporate experience as well and so kind of learning the uh, high-end, um, luxury, you know um private side and understanding maybe where some of the numbers came into play and how to run it like a business as well, and kind of melding that Then through the years I've I've had so many incredible mentors who who've helped me out and I just know that without them, without the uh, you know about the Gary Jones's and the Paul Skelton's and Steve Richardson's here in Arizona, tara Waldron's, you know.
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What, what, what, what is a mentor?
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So like to you, like what is a mentor.
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What does that entail?
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What does that look like?
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I think it's people who, who, who, take a genuine interest in you as a, as a person, and it doesn't have to just be business, you as a, as a person and yeah, it doesn't have to just be business, it can be you as a person, it can be you know and and help you through life.
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You know to, you know, you learn from their, you know, you learn from their positive experiences, you learn from their mistakes, and people who kind of you know, take you, take you under their wing and and help you become a better version of yourself.
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You know, and and so and it.
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A lot of times we think of professional mentors, you know, but I've had so many people who've had in my professional life, who've had this incredible influence on my personal life as well, and and, uh, I think is, over the years, is maybe a better man, a better father, a better husband, you know to Gabby, and uh, so it's uh, yeah, it's pretty cool.
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So I take it really seriously.
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What's what's some good advice?
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Or, if it might, I was going to say what's like the best advice you've you've ever received, but that that might be difficult but like you know what would be maybe some of like the best piece or pieces of advice you've ever gotten that maybe you know change the way that you lead and handle your own teams and people.
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I can think of it right off the bat, because it's the thing I think about.
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And and, uh, there's a gentleman by the name of bo preston.
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He's out in florida now managing a club and he was, uh, he was, he was my director of golf and and I was going through some personal stuff and he, he looked at me and you know, I guess I got the cool title, I'm the boss, you know, but it was like one of these friendships, that and he looked at me and he gave me some advice and he said you know, you talk about family.
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Are you putting your family first?
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Are you putting Gabby first?
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Is this, is your partner in life that you love more than anything, and is she your number one priority?
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And, as you mentioned earlier a lot of times, in every industry, right as you, as you build up your success, ego becomes, you know, part of that right and and your successes, it becomes part of you a little bit and you think you're cooler maybe than you are and, um, that has stuck with me forever.
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I tell my kids to say you know, it's like you know, I plan on telling my kids when they get married the same thing.
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It's like you put your spouse first, you know, above your children, above your job, above everything, because this is the person that this is your ride or die Right and and so I've tried to.
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I've tried, you know, and I'm not perfect.
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I've tried to live my life as best I can, putting her first and putting her needs first, and we always.
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She understands, you know my job's, part of my life and and friends and things, and so she's incredibly supportive and understands that.
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But she also knows that if she calls me in the middle of my member guests or in the middle of a board meeting and says I need you to come home, then I walk out of that meeting and I'm, I'm home and and, uh, she's my ride or die.
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So how so how long in this?
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And if it's too personal, I guess, like I I don't even think it's too personal, but like how long or how old were you when you got that piece of advice?
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And does, and I'm assuming the the club knows this about you and that's and that's your work, like, like that is your, that is the way that you lead, that's the way that you do things, because I think there'd probably be some clubs where they don't maybe want that or they would not like that.
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Their gm, if they got the call from their wife saying I need you home and they leave, they might not like that and that's a big like assumption.
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But like how would you got that?
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And like, do they understand and know that I?
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was later.
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I was later than I would have been, right, I'd already.
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I was 32 ish, let's say 33.
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Kind of already gone through a failed marriage at that point.
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I don't want to say failed, it was incredible.
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You know, I got two incredible, perfect children out of it and a lot of learning children out of it, a lot of learning.
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So I was later than I wish I would have been when I got the advice, but everything happens for a reason, and what I would say is I think there's a lot of misperceptions in clubs about what members think.
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Because, again, what I've noticed throughout my career is, as I go to different clubs, um, as you have these honest conversations with your board or with your members, everybody's like, of course, because you're dealing with people who are older and they've gone through the same challenges Like these aren't different challenges and they're like exactly.
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I wish I would have known that when I was younger too.
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Right, they've learned it throughout their careers, and so I guess one of the ways I lead is no, every one of my staff knows this.
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You know it's, you know, you know when I talk about, when I talk about continuing your career with some of my up and coming incredible staff here or historically.
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I always say what's your?
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Have you talked to your husband or wife or your partner about this?
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And what do they think?
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Because they, they need to be on this journey with you.
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You know you want to be a GM.
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Like great.
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Let's get you to be a GM.
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These are the sacrifices you're going to need to make.
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Is your wife and your family supportive of this?
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Because you know, and if they're not, it's going to be really tough.
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But also know that if she calls in the middle of service on a Friday night and got 300 on the, she's calling for a reason.
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It's because if you've had these honest conversations already, then then she knows that it better be pretty serious, or he knows.
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I should say my case it's um, they know it's a big deal to call.
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You know and, and that matters.
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I don't know, does that make sense?
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No, yeah, totally, totally, but it's.
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It's helped me in my career and it's one that we talk about.
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That, from a work-life balance standpoint too, is you know it's.
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If we're leading in a way where we need to be here all the time and we're not empowering our staff to be great, then shame on us, right?
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Shame on us for taking that time away from our families and our own well-being and our own mental wellness.
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You know if my chef you know if my chef needs to be at a baseball game for their kid at five o'clock on a Friday, that's where they should be.
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They should teach their sous chefs and everybody how to operate in excellence, no matter if they're there or not.
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Life's too short.
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We don't know if I'm going to be here tomorrow.
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This episode better be good, then you better say some more good stuff.
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I don't know, I don't know, should I put the pink glasses back on?
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I was just going to say put those pink glasses back on.
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Okay, here we go, get.
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I don't know like should I put the pink glasses back on?
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I was just gonna say, put those pink glasses back on.
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Okay, here we go.
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I don't know uh.
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so speaking of, of empowering were, was that?
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Was there ever a time that you struggled to let go of control like?
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Were you ever a control freak?
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Was this like?
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Was this always your personality?
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Did you used to struggle with letting go and how did you start to let go?
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The surrender experience?
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No, it's of course and I don't want to talk to everybody, Some people just haven't figured out out of the womb, right, and I would still say I'm still a control freak in a sense, like my loving staff back when I was at Arizona Country Club got me this great plaque I still have behind my desk here and it says as long as everything is exactly how I want it, I'm completely flexible, right, and so it's one of those, you know it's one where the buck still stops here in a way.
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Right, I mean, the buck still stops here, and so it's.
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You know I'm a.
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My favorite word is trust, right.
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Speed of trust incredible book.
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And that empowerment and that release of, you know, micromanagement or whatever you want to say, comes with the, the level of trust that you have.
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You know, giving blind trust is sometimes okay, but it's still the buck stops here if something doesn't go right.
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So I think it's been a growth period for me, learning it through my career, where I've gone from a place where you know every mistake had to be called out and we're in pursuit of perfection to out, and we're in pursuit of perfection to and here's the way it needs to be done to a hey, here's what needs.
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Here's what.
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Here's the goal.
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Let me hire really smart people and surround myself with really smart people, and you figure out how we get there.
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You know there's a lot of different roads.
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That'll that'll take us to the same spot.
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Yeah, and and as as they maybe.
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Maybe what I do is, as somebody comes on, I hold on a little bit so they understand my expectations and understand that I'm here to support them and not the other way around here to support them and not the other way around, um, and so that they can understand the expectations and understand how I manage Cause I manage maybe a little bit different than than other managers, um, and as they start to understand that and we work together to make sure that they are successful, then it's all of a sudden it's like okay, they get it.
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You know, it's kind of like when you're teaching your kids to drive a little bit right, you're there and you're there, and at first you're maybe a little nervous and you're like, okay, here's what you do.
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And boom, boom, boom, and then at one point, you're just sitting back there and you're like, yeah, man, like look at them, go.
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It's like a little bit like that, right, you feel like you're helping guide them, and then at some point you're just kind of like, okay, there you go, you're off, and I've been blessed to work with so many and continue to work with so many.
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Just I mean best in the business.
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You know, with Jermaine Baird, who I think you got to meet, nick Gerstner, my CFO, al Baird, who I think you got to meet, nick Gerstner, my CFO, um Alessandra Hopman, who's out in Woods Hole right now, and I've gotten to work with so many great professionals and and help, I guess, help, help them and they help me at the same time.
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You know, and and uh, anyway, yeah, pretty lucky how do you, how do you manage different than other managers?
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Because you, you you kind of said it, at least like you said it once, you just said it once, but then you kind of hinted at it a little bit earlier.
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How would you say, you manage a little bit differently, or maybe, what are maybe some things your staff has said, or or has your staff said stuff like, oh, like you manage different, like how do you?
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how do you manage?
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I think one is my personality is a little bit different, because I like to say I take what I do really seriously, but I don't take myself very seriously at all, as you probably feel from some of our conversations is, you know, I like to have a good time.
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So the culture here is, you know, not one that is stuffy or where we take ourselves too seriously.
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Anybody you know, and we'd like to have a great time, we like to, you know, like to roll out of bed and enjoy coming to work, and so that's made part of how I lead from an actual leadership standpoint.
00:18:47.165 --> 00:18:50.676
I think, again, I try to not micromanage.
00:18:50.676 --> 00:19:00.416
I say, hey, here are the expectations, everybody get it, and once everybody feels comfortable with what the expectations are, it's like go surprise, like you don't have to come to me for permission.
00:19:00.416 --> 00:19:01.179
You know it's.
00:19:01.179 --> 00:19:06.734
It's one where oh well, this might be a good example.
00:19:06.734 --> 00:19:07.096
You know it's.
00:19:07.096 --> 00:19:26.963
It's one that it's a, it's a sense of pride with me is is we've gone through Ty Martinez, who's who's one of our assistant clubhouse managers here when I first got here incredible young talent, he's just like great personality, just unbelievable and we saw an opportunity within our valet.
00:19:27.184 --> 00:19:35.499
Right, I'd kind of got here and I'd walk up and, you know, valet maybe was like walk into the car doors and maybe the member was already out of the car by the time.
00:19:35.499 --> 00:19:41.301
You know, we got to them, you know, and it didn't necessarily make sense, right, because people make the experience.
00:19:41.301 --> 00:19:53.483
And so I asked Ty, I said hey, ty he was a dining room manager at the time I'm like, would you be comfortable leaving the dining room and going and managing this valet experience and really bringing it up to the next level?
00:19:53.483 --> 00:19:55.188
And he said sure.
00:19:55.188 --> 00:20:04.968
And so we worked together, right, like I talked about, we worked together on hey, here's some of the things I see that I'd love for you to manage and help develop the staff and and.
00:20:05.028 --> 00:20:07.239
But I want it to be your own and so look for opportunities.
00:20:07.239 --> 00:20:20.215
And so he went and he did it and he built this valet experience that, literally, on our member survey of our members said it was, uh, from, from, not.
00:20:20.215 --> 00:20:31.521
There's a five-point system, right, one is poor, two is, three is satisfied, four is very satisfied and five is this is world cl, you know extremely satisfied.
00:20:31.521 --> 00:20:40.824
99 of our members were four or five on this, which is pretty unheard of on in most surveys yeah you know, usually you'll get some.
00:20:40.864 --> 00:20:44.520
But I mean, members are just like comments, like blown away by the valet.
00:20:44.520 --> 00:20:55.808
Experience went from from probably in my opinion it was probably a two to a three on that to a 99 of members like it's a point of pride which is really important.
00:20:55.808 --> 00:21:01.082
Yeah, and this is, and that's that's great in its own, but this is where the story gets really cool.
00:21:01.082 --> 00:21:02.661
That is, he built this great experience.
00:21:02.661 --> 00:21:06.063
Then we're like Ty, you killed it.
00:21:06.063 --> 00:21:08.323
Let's put you back inside your assistant clubhouse manager.
00:21:08.323 --> 00:21:10.262
Now we're going to give you additional responsibilities.
00:21:10.262 --> 00:21:11.297
Who's your replacement?
00:21:11.297 --> 00:21:18.048
He found this replacement and a gentleman by the name of Brett Ball, and Brett a little bit different personality than Ty.
00:21:18.775 --> 00:21:36.306
But I go out there Brett's first summer and I walk past Valet and there's a freaking ice cream cooler in Valet, like one of the ones that you see you slide, and there's all these ice cream sandwiches and the drumsticks and everything.
00:21:36.306 --> 00:21:37.578
I'm like what's this?
00:21:37.578 --> 00:21:39.444
And he's like this is our new ice cream station.
00:21:39.444 --> 00:21:40.740
I'm like what do you mean an ice cream station?
00:21:40.740 --> 00:21:44.202
He's like no, when it's hot, it's summer, you know it's Arizona.
00:21:44.202 --> 00:21:48.204
He's like no, when members come now, you know they get a little cool treat.
00:21:55.355 --> 00:21:56.138
And I'm like, well, who came up with this?
00:21:56.138 --> 00:21:57.726
He's like I just I kind of just did it and I'm like, yes, like I want him to.
00:21:57.726 --> 00:22:02.560
I want to look for world-class experiences and things that are going to make the members go wow and not feel like they have to come run to Desi to do it.
00:22:02.560 --> 00:22:07.175
Just be unreasonable in your own right, and I was.
00:22:07.175 --> 00:22:22.237
So it was one of those like Ty took it and he took the culture and he built the culture and there was some wow things that he just did on his own and then he passed that empowerment down to Brett and now Brett is coming up with all these things and it's just like.
00:22:22.237 --> 00:22:26.567
It's like I said, that's the way I like to manage.
00:22:26.567 --> 00:22:33.541
I like to really just have people have fun and I'd much rather them come to me for forgiveness, you know.
00:22:33.541 --> 00:22:40.221
And then permission, where sometimes, when you feel like you have to ask for permission, it stagnates.
00:22:40.281 --> 00:22:43.365
Everything right Better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
00:22:44.089 --> 00:22:44.974
Yeah, Commit first forgive later.
00:22:44.974 --> 00:22:53.015
So when you just ask for, forgiveness instead, when you're trying to build great experiences and you're asking for forgiveness, everybody's empowered, the dishwasher's empowered, this guy's empowered.
00:22:53.015 --> 00:22:58.801
Everybody just goes and tries to create greatness on their own and some things stick and some things don't.
00:22:58.801 --> 00:23:01.707
But if they don't, they came from a beautiful place in your heart.
00:23:03.051 --> 00:23:05.481
So, anyway, I never understood why.
00:23:05.481 --> 00:23:25.903
I mean, maybe I should have phrased that wrong but like valet, I feel like they have the opportunity to upgrade their tips tremendously, have the opportunity to upgrade their tips tremendously, like for like there was, uh, uh, you know, a casino by me, or just even like any like valet, uh, but I think the the casino is where I like it like triggered me like the most because you know you can.
00:23:25.903 --> 00:23:39.648
Obviously there's people who just aren't going to tip like regardless, but like if it's cold out, why not like put on their butt warmers and just tell them like hey, hey, here's your car keys by the way, through your butt, you know your butt warmers on for you.
00:23:39.648 --> 00:23:44.605
Or even just like kept a case of like water bottles out by the thing and like put them in the car Cause.
00:23:44.605 --> 00:23:50.462
Anytime you leave a casino, a restaurant or something like you know you get in your car like man, I wish I had some water or something Like.
00:23:50.502 --> 00:23:51.845
Why not just like put those in there?
00:23:51.845 --> 00:23:52.886
Like what?
00:23:52.886 --> 00:23:59.701
Let's just say you get an extra dollar tip or two bucks half the time out of how many cars like you're going to increase your tips?
00:23:59.701 --> 00:24:02.086
How much are you going to increase the like.
00:24:02.086 --> 00:24:12.300
But why not just like, do those little tiny things that just cost nothing, like it doesn't even cost time because you're already in the car driving and if you're waiting you're in the line anyway, I just put the butt warmers on.
00:24:12.300 --> 00:24:13.701
If you line anyway, I just pop, put the butt warmers on.
00:24:13.701 --> 00:24:19.228
If you see they have like air-conditioned seats, like like a lot of the new cars, like it's hot out, throw those on for the people like that's great.
00:24:19.228 --> 00:24:24.338
I yeah, so like oh, and you said the ice cream, say it like when you said that, I was like there's no way he did it and he did it.
00:24:24.338 --> 00:24:25.825
That's amazing you did.
00:24:25.865 --> 00:24:27.612
It didn't even ask, it was so great.
00:24:27.732 --> 00:24:30.661
So that reminds me, there was a show I did at a club.
00:24:30.661 --> 00:24:53.104
This was like back in my early, you know more, more early beginnings, and after the there was a group that brought a, that took a limo to, to, to my show, you know, they came and picked them up so they can party, have a good time, you know, and they, they, they left some of the bottles of water and a limo company, without charging anything extra, had the limo company name.
00:24:53.104 --> 00:25:00.250
They put the club name, the event, that it was oh cool.
00:25:00.250 --> 00:25:02.523
And then it was just like you know the date, all that stuff.
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