498: Cockroaches, Connection, and Quiet Leadership w/ Denny Corby

Welcome To Private Club Radio

Denny Corby 0:00

Welcome to the Private Club Radio Show, the show where you get the scoop on life inside private golf and country clubs. I'm your host, Danny Corby, and each episode is a real conversation with club leaders, the pros, the people and partners who help clubs thrive. We talk leadership, culture, food and beverage, member experiences, member engagement, marketing, governance, and so much more. If you want practical ideas, better teams in a club experience, members actually feel and talk about. You are in the right place now. Welcome

The Cockroach Leadership Story

Denny Corby 0:30

to the show.

Denny Corby 2.0 0:30

In this episode, we're gonna start exactly where every great leadership lesson should start, and that is with a cockroach, which is, which is not ideal and not my personal preferred opening visual, but here we are. So I was just out at the Golden State Chapter Spring Conference, and first of all, great people, wonderful people, amazing event, amazing chapter, beautiful places, all of it, and we will get there. But before we get to the leadership lesson, the connection, the hospitality, the whole what club professionals can learn from this part, we have to start in my bathroom, because apparently that's where the story begins. Now going out, let me preface this, going out to the CMAA Golden State chapter event, I had to do what I don't like to do, which is fly in the day of. This started at 1:30. I was doing a club show the night before in Savannah. There was no way for me to get there otherwise, unless I was flying private, and that's not happening. So I had to get there day of only a few hours before, which, uh, I told Lindsay from California CMAA, "Hey, this is what's happening." And she even said early on like, "Hey, when you get here, you get here, and it'll, it'll all work out. It'll, it'll be great." So I get there a little bit later than I wanted to. My room w- wasn't ready, which means I couldn't steam my clothes, which means some of my stuff was still wrinkly, and I didn't like that before a show. And I was already frazzled, and it was already a stressful day for me, day one. And we'll, we'll get to that in a, in a second. But now I wanna fast-forward to the next morning, 'cause it is 6:00 in the morning. I'm supposed to be on stage in a few hours, and I walk into the bathroom and there's a cockroach in my shower on its back, still moving, and I'm standing there with more questions than anything. How did it get there? Why did it get on its back? Why is it still moving? And which education session are you most excited for? No, I'm kidding. Did you register? I had so many questions. Who invited this thing into my room? Cause there were none the night before, no warning signs, no knock at the door. But somehow between going to bed and waking up, they let themselves in. So now I have to figure out how I'm supposed to shower, get dressed, host a conference, and act like a calm professional while my bathroom has become enemy territory. Now, I walk into the bathroom, and then from the mirror I can see behind me is a second cockroach Let me explain to you all here. I go zero to bitch in half a second. I startle quickly. I don't like rodents. I don't like bugs. None of that I am not proud of how quickly I jumped from the floor to the bathroom sink, because now I have a cockroach in the shower, one in front of me, and my night s- and my phone is on the nightstand. I'm sweating. The bug is moving towards me. I'm calculating and I'm losing, And this whole time I'm also thinking there's no version of this where I come out of this clean, calm, or emotionally available for the rest of the day. So I did what any mature adult professional does. The floor is lava. I jump, leap from the sink to the bedroom floor without touching the bathroom floor I escape the bathroom, climb onto the bed like a man who's lost at war, and call the front desk. And the guy, when I explain everything to him, in all the full weight of his professional training, goes, "Oh my God, ew." Which was honestly probably the best and correct response that he could have had. A little bit later, maintenance shows up, not skeptical. He just looks and goes, "Where are they?" Comes in with, like, this bottle of something, sprays them, and gets rid of them And I was not planning on telling that story on stage at the conference or even here on Private Club Radio, but I was listening to another Private Club Radio podcaster, Ricky Potts. We were chatting before, and I told him, 'cause, you know, we were just talking. He's like, "Oh, like, h- how was the rest of the night? How'd... Just whatever, whatever. It's that morning conference talk." And I told him, and he was like, "You have to tell that story." So I did And come to find out, a couple other people had some roommates, quote, unquote, also And for the next three days of conference, that's all people did was bust me about the bugs Oh, there's one behind you. Oh, like, what's on your chair?" Right? The whole time just bringing up these bugs at meals, in between sessions, and Ironically enough, this is what the whole conference was about Even though that's kind of disgusting and kind of gross and having cockroaches in your room, but it's all perfect Because to me, when you emcee a conference, when you do something along those lines, it comes down to three things.

Three Pillars For Any Room

Denny Corby 2.0 5:16

It comes down to intention, surprise, and connection. To me, when I emcee a conference, when I do an event, it comes down to those three things: intention, surprise, and connection. And let me tell you, a connection doesn't always come from polished moments. Sometimes it comes from these really weird ones, right? The human ones. The, the I cannot believe this happened ones And it gives the ones, it gives those people a reason to connect and come up to you later Which to be clear, the bug thing was not the brand strategy I had planned, but it did work. And that's what I wanna talk about today, is not the bugs. Please, for heaven's sake, not the bugs. I wanna talk about rooms, energy, experiences, and connection. The little things that people do that nobody claps for, but everybody feels Cause when I'm working with a group, whether it's performing for a club, emceeing a conference, emceeing an awards banquet, w- emceeing whatever it is, yes, my job is to host, introduce speakers, keep the program moving, bring energy, make people laugh, keep the day from feeling like a meeting trapped in a ballroom. But underneath that, there's always another job happening, and there's, there's the job that nobody sees, and then there's the silent agenda. And for me, that silent agenda is, like I said, three things: intention, surprise, and connection. If I can bring intention, surprise, and connection into a room, we're in really good shape. And honestly, that's really not just for emcees. If you run your club, you run your team, you plan events, you manage member experiences, you work with the board, you lead your staff, you create any kind of experiences for people, those three things matter: intention, surprise, and connection.

Intention That People Can Feel

Denny Corby 2.0 6:56

Now let's start with intention 'cause that was the theme of the conference. Lead together, all voices, one community in motion. Great theme. The themes are easy to print. You can put them on a program. You can put them on a sign. You can say them into the microphone. You can put them on the screen. Boom! Theme. But the real question is: does it actually show up in the room? Does it actually show up how people greet each other, how the conversations are in between the sessions? Does it show up how people get invited into the conversations? Does it show up when a vendor feels like a partner and not just somebody who slaps their logo on something? Does it show up when somebody walks in unsure and leaves with, and leaves with friends? And at Golden State, it did. And from where I stood, people weren't just attending this. They were participating. They were talking. They were listening. They were laughing. They were reconnecting. They were meeting somebody new. They were asking questions. They were sharing stories, and that doesn't happen by accident. That happens when there's intention behind the experience. And you can feel when a room has been thought about. You can also feel when it hasn't. We've all been in those rooms. The chairs are out. The screen is on. The coffee's there. Technically, everything is set, but the room has no pulse, right? There's no warmth. There's no reason to engage. There's no reason to look up at your phone. There's more reason to look at your phone. It's just peoples in-- just people in chairs waiting for something to happen And that's not enough anymore, especially in the club world, because we all know better. Us as club professionals, we spend our lives creating environments where people are supposed to feel something. Welcomed, seen, taken care of, excited, connected, relaxed, proud to belong. And that feeling just doesn't appear. It's designed, And intention is where it starts. Then surprise, and then-- And surprise doesn't mean

Surprise That Breaks The Pattern

Denny Corby 2.0 8:52

you need fireworks. Although, listen, if the budget calls for it, have the fireworks and then call me, because there's probably some more budget. And surprise is just really breaking the pattern. People think they know what's coming, and then something else happens. They brace for X, X doesn't come, you hit them with G instead. That's what wakes up intention. That's why we are human That's why we have humor, right? A little magic, a loud shirt or two, some prizes I was doing some surprises and breaking up their rhythm at the California chapter by doing some magic, adding some fun bits, even played rock, paper, scissors with the whole group. It was a ton of fun and it broke the pattern created moments and shared experiences It got people out of a passive conference mode mode And that's why surprise matters. It doesn't have to be big. It can be a laugh. It could be a different opening. It could be a game, a story, a seating change. It's just a little moment when, when people realize, "Oh, this isn't just the same thing." That happens in clubs too. Members can feel routine. They know when something is on autopilot And yes, consistency matters, don't get me wrong. Of course it does. But a thoughtful surprise is what makes people remember. A small change, a personal touch, a staff member re- remembering something, a member being recognized in a way they may have not expected. A little moment that just says, "Hey, we thought about this. We thought about you Like I said, and then there's the connection.

Connection As The Real Value

Denny Corby 2.0 10:14

Connection's the big one. Because yes, the education mattered. Of course it mattered. The speakers were sharp, the conversations were thoughtful, the panel that I hosted had some great stories, and there were sessions all about conversations around leadership, goals, purpose, culture, financial wellness, mental health, communication, all of it. But the value of a conference often compounds in the smaller moments. The bus rides to the clubs at night, the hallways, the receptions, waiting in line for the food The person who connects with somebody who was up on the panel because they related to a story It's in all of those moments Cause we all know clubs are not just in the club business, the golf business, the food business, the events business, the fitness business, the hospitality business. We're in the feeling business. People may not remember every detail, may not remember how it was, but they remember how they felt That's connection And connection is not a bonus, it's the game And now, like I said, I was, I was really nervous going to the California, uh, conference.

Calm Leadership Before The Show

Denny Corby 2.0 11:20

Not like cute nervous, not that like I have butterfly... Like real ner- like I get real anxious when I have to fly in and perform on the same day, right? There's just different, a different mindset, right? Uh, to me it's, I have, always have a weird agenda in my head of where I have to be and why. Just I wanna be at a certain place by a certain time. It's, I have these weird agendas and Getting in early and then having to be on stage, I, I don't love... I like to be in the space for a little bit to just feel it, get a vibe, see where everything is at But that was not this timeline So here I am, showed up late to the whole thing. Not late, but a little bit later than, than I wanted to. Um, couldn't wear what I wanted to, and Lindsay pre- going back to our original conversation just says, "Den, you look great. You're, you're gonna be amazing." And that's all I needed That, that warmth walked me off this weird invisible ledge that I had built entirely by myself. And in that moment, that mattered a lot. Because the way people make you feel before the program starts often shapes how the whole thing goes. Lindsay has this calm energy of somebody who knew there was a thousand moving parts, but also knew none of them needed to become a panic parade And that's, uh, that's the kind of leadership that doesn't always announce itself. But that was something that whether or not she, she, I- she knew she knew I needed. Just saying, "You're good," and meaning it, that steadiness creates space for everybody else to do their job. Now, after that, I saw Rigo walking around, who had a tastefully, tastefully loud shirt on, and I had packed one of my own in my carry-on, and it's one of those nice fabrics that doesn't wrinkle, so of course it looked great. So I popped that on. It was a very California flowery shirt, and I brought up Rigo, and we did a trick on stage to open the whole conference, and it was almost like the room gave us permission to have fun, but we also gave the room permission to have fun, and the whole machine just started clicking It was a, a wonderful conference. We had the nights were spent at Stone Eagle and Hideaway Golf Clubs, two of the most beautiful clubs in Palm Springs, where most people only just see them on Instagram. The views were ridiculous. The food was absolutely amazing. The conversations were easy, and it was the kind of setting where you look around and go, Well, this beats answering emails under a fluorescent light." No, but here's the thing is that None of it, none of this was really about clubs or the stage or the food or the speakers or the education. Actually, yeah, it was all about the education. It was actually about all of those things, but pretend it wasn't for a second and hear me out. It was all about the connections, getting people together, getting them talking, getting, giving them something to react to, and then getting out of their way, letting them take the reins and have the connection and go. And all, doing all that is never just one person, which brings me to the rest of

The Vanishing Row Of Chairs

Denny Corby 2.0 14:20

the week. It wasn't just mine I make a living doing magic. I make a living doing magic tricks and talking to club people. That's a ridiculous sentence, but true. I did some magic, I had fun, I wore the shirt, waved the microphone around, and we played, we laughed, we, we did the thing. But the best trick of the week happened on the last day, and I almost didn't even see it happen. On the last day, as you all probably know, you lose a couple people the last day of a conference. Flights call, emails pile up, people have other stuff to do, or they just take the day off. The real life starts tapping people on the shoulder. The room gets a little bit lighter and The last day, I'm sitting at the back of the room, quietly proud the fact that we held the room for so long, and I went to Lindsay. I was like, "I'm surprised we held so many people." And she goes, "Yeah, I had them take out a row last night." She pulled a whole row of chairs out while nobody was looking to keep the room tight. No empty room, right? None of that awkwardness with a room, there's not enough people for the room. And for someone whose entire job is noticing rooms, never noticed she took the last row out. The thing that I preach the most and that I feel like I had the wool pulled over my eyes And that was the trick. That was the real trick. Not the magic I did on stage, not the rock, paper, scissors fun, not even my little early morning bug-based character test. The best trick of the entire week was Lindsay quietly making a row of chairs disappear so the room would feel the way it needed to feel. That is leadership. Not, not the loud kind, not the everybody look at me kind. The quiet kind. The kind that says, "I know how this room needs to feel, and I'm going to adjust the environment before anybody else even notices the problem." That is what professionals do all the time. That's what you as club professionals hopefully do all the time. Members don't see the setups. They don't see the room reset. They don't see the last-minute calls. They don't see the weather conditions. Maybe sometimes. They don't see the staffing adjustments. They don't see the AV saves. They don't see the vendor coordinations. They don't see the person in the back solving a problem before anybody else even notices it exists. They just feel it, and they feel it when they feel welcomed, when they feel cared for, and when the experience works. And when it works really, really well, they assume that's just how it goes, and it isn't. It's built quietly by a lot of hands out of thousands and thousands-- thousands and thousands, and thousands and thousands of moves that nobody claps for. And that's what stood out to me at the Golden State. Everybody was running their own quiet play. Everyone is having their own thing going on, their own mental playbook. Lindsay's subtracting rows. I'm nudging the room and adapting. The speakers are reading the crowds. The attendees, the people showing up are showing up, and they're willing to learn, and they have their questions, right? And you have Sarah and Crystal and Lindsay and the entire team and the interns and the AV crew handling the details that make everything feel easy. And you have the vendors who help make sure the whole thing is possible, 'cause without them, you know, the conference isn't as good. There's no extra moments. There's no loud shirt lunatic on the mic shouting at people, right? Everybody pulls a thread, but nobody pulls the same one. And when everybody pulls their own thread well, the whole room felt connected, and that was the theme the whole time. Lead together, all voices, one community in motion. And from the microphone, you can see a lot. You can see the difference between a room that is just full and a room that is actually connected, and this room was connected. So here's, here's my takeaway.

Small Moves That Create Big Feelings

Denny Corby 2.0 18:13

Don't underestimate the little moves, the chairs you remove, the person you introduce, the joke that breaks the tension, the table you adjust, The nervous member you calm down, the quiet attendee or the quiet member that you welcome in, the staff member you check up on, the room you tighten, the energy you protect, those things are not little. Those are the things Because the best experiences are usually not remembered because everything was perfect. Because perfect is boring, by the way. Perfect never has a good story. Okay, yes, it does sometimes, but the best experiences are remembered because humans felt. They felt warm, they felt alive, and they felt like somebody cares. And sometimes, if you're lucky, they will include a cockroach story that somehow becomes a leadership lesson. I was thrilled to have been a part of the Golden State Chapter Spring Conference, grateful for the warmth, for everyone who waved me in, grateful for a room that felt connected, and grateful for the reminder that even when I'm the magician, sometimes the best trick of the week belongs to somebody else, and that one belonged to Lindsay. She made a row full of chairs disappear, and the whole room got better because of it That is this

Management In Motion Invitation

Denny Corby 2.0 19:28

episode. If you are still listening and want to join me in person in September for a fun day of leadership, connection, and ripping up fun BMW cars, I have Management in Motion. It's a really fun club leadership event. It's where we take adrenaline and leadership excellence, bring them together to let you have the best event possible You get real education from your peers, other club professionals teaching how they use motion in their leadership every single day. This year we have Ed Ronan from Bretton Woods and Alfredo Hildebrand from Lakewood Country Club in Ohio. It's gonna be so much fun. Check it out, DennyCorby.com. You'll see all the details there. That's this episode though I'm your host, Denny Corby. Until next time, catch y'all on the flippity flip